When you shop alone, you converse with your brain.
Melon: "Hmm... I like these shower curtains."
Melon: "Should I get them or not...? Will they match my bathroom?"
Melon: "I can't remember what my current curtain looks like. I should call home and find out."
Melon: "Wait. I live alone. Who the fuck would I ask?" *
Melon: "Oh, I guess I could ask Puppy." **
Melon: "Wait, that would be stupid. Puppy's colorblind." ***
* Also, she doesn't have a land line.
** Puppy is a stuffed animal.
*** Puppy is a STUFFED ANIMAL.