Deep Thoughts

When you shop alone, you converse with your brain.

Melon: "Hmm... I like these shower curtains."

Melon: "Should I get them or not...? Will they match my bathroom?"

Melon: "I can't remember what my current curtain looks like. I should call home and find out."

Melon: "Wait. I live alone. Who the fuck would I ask?" *

Melon: "Oh, I guess I could ask Puppy." **

Melon: "Wait, that would be stupid. Puppy's colorblind." ***

Footnotes:

* Also, she doesn't have a land line.
** Puppy is a stuffed animal.
*** Puppy is a STUFFED ANIMAL.

Bootcamp: Masters of Workout Torture

Melon: Hi, this is Melon.

Bootcamp Trainer: Oh, Melon?

Melon: Yeah. I gotta cancel this morning, I feel like crap.

Bootcamp Trainer: What? Did you go out all night last night and now you're too hungover?!?!

Melon: Actually no, you kicked my ass all week and I feel like crap.

Bootcamp Trainer: Oh ok, I guess that's acceptable.