Jeremy Footer

While a war movie plays on TV...

Dad: Is that "Foot Locker?"

Me: You mean "The Hurt Locker"...

Laser beams

You know why I'm better than you? Because Amazon is delivering my videogame... ON A SHIP MADE OF LASERS.

The English Facient

Words With Friends + Blackmail photo + Faux-angry email exchange = perfect post...


From: Me
To: Oowing Simsonite
Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 8:30 PM
Subject: "Loosing"

English is a terrible language. Wtf?

~MrC

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From: Oowing Simsonite

To: Me
Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 8:32 PM
Subject: Re: "Loosing"

Your face is a terrible language!

~Oowing

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From: Me To: Oowing Simsonite Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 8:36 PM Subject: Re: "Loosing"

~MrC

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From: Oowing Simsonite
To: Me
Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 8:47 PM
Subject: Re: "Loosing"

Haha I hate you


~Oowing

I Really Hate The Lakers And Mavs

Dear Buddha,

Ideally, these Mavericks and Lakers teams would cease to exist. But I know you aren't violent, and I know you promote love. Thusforth, please kindly transmogrify each and every Laker and Maverick on the court and on the bench into puppies.

Neutered puppies.

Also, Jack Nicholson can be an owl and Mark Cuban can be a hippo.

Thank you kindly.

Your Devoted Disciple

PS - Forget the neutering. Just make them all female, like in Jurassic Park, except without amphibian DNA so they cannot reproduce. Dirk and Kobe are already technically female dogs anyway, so there is less work for you to do.