Strip Her Face

From: David
To: Me
Date: Wed, Nov. 18, 2009 at 10:09AM
Subject: The War on Overrating

Saw this pic on zap2it. Next time some idiot says Megan Fox doesn’t have a stripper face, send this.

Catch or Starve

*Earlier this evening*

Al: Evelyn and I are going to a dinner party at Rob's.

Me: Rob is throwing a dinner party!?

[Al's best friend Rob is intentionally amusingly ghetto.]

Al: Yea.

Me: I can't picture Rob throwing a dinner party. I *can* imagine him throwing hors d'ouvres at you in lieu of actually serving them.

Al: LOL!

Me: Like, "Here bitch, fuck y'all! Service my ass."

*later*

Me: Did rob throw the whore-derves at y'all

Al: Lol nah but we told him

Me: Yes!

Me: "You guys want some whore-derves?" *toss* "Here motherfucka. Catch or starve, bitch."

Me: Someone should throw a party called "catch or starve"--you only get to eat if you can catch what the server chucks at you

Me: "Yo can I get a burger?"

Me: "Here bitch" *throw*

Me: "You want ketchup?"

Me: "Um. Sure"

Me: "Well. Catch, bitch" *aims the ketchup in the general vicinity of the burger / person, squirts*

I'm Gonna Be A Terrible Dad

Megu: (showing me what she's aiming for with her Halloween costume, Harley Quinn from Batman / Dark Asylum) http://media.photobucket.com/image/harley%20quinn%20arkham%20asylum%20costume/J_Bar/MetroCon09/Metrcon002.jpg
Me: nice
Me: that girl's face is a bit boxy to pull off harley's look
Me: you'll rock it better
Megu: lol thanks but she has more of a chest and more gear
Me: chesticles can always be augmented with household items
Me: socks
Me: balloons
Me: coconuts
Me: infants
Megu: haha that's true
Me: though i hope you won't use infants
Megu: they move too much
Me: spike the milk with a pindrop of tequila
Me: <-- terrible father
Megu: yes